A note to Me, a note to You and a note to the Future - By Megha D.

I am happy. And I realized why I am so happy.

I have realized I am not perfect. And its a load off my chest. Its a huge weight off my shoulders.

I am not perfect.

And I can say it without cringing.

And I am okay with that.

Do I want to be perfect? No. I cannot and I won't even try anymore.

How many mistakes I have made.

How many times I have wished that the earth would swallow me and I never show my face to anyone again.

How many times I have wished I could turn back the hands of time and do things differently.

How many times I have wished I knew better, had more experience to handle things, to be suave, to not appear unsure and afraid.

But those times have all passed.

Memories and lessons remain.

And I can smile. I lived.

I have not left my side. I have not betrayed myself. I have stood up for myself, cuddled myself when I thought no one else would.

I have survived.

Looked people in the eye after all my mistakes, because I have accepted who I am.

I have let things go. Let things that should anger me roll off my back. Things that hurt me, that might have scarred me, I have let them go.

I have not stopped the course of nature.

No.

I have let it scar me, but I have not carried its burden with me.

The scars, the pain, the stories and the experiences have only made me richer.

Definately.

I am learning and living; it hurts.

I can live with the pain I feel.

It reminds me I am human and I am here to learn, about myself and about others.

I am not trying to be perfect.

I am trying to be human.

I can't be perfect.

You can't be perfect.

My weaknesses have and will continue to show.

The cloak will fall more than once again.

I will be vulnerable and unsure again.

But I will pick it up with confidence and dignity.

I won't be ashamed to show I am human.

Because I know I am learning.

As my weakness shows, so will my strengths.

I will shine with what I know makes me the friend, daughter, sister, lover, wife and mother that I am, can be and will be.

I know that underneath the velvet glove is an iron arm.

I know that inside this small body is an infinite heart, capable of infinite love.

I might have to betray someone else to be true to myself, and I know I will be betrayed.

And this cycle won't stop; but I am okay with that because I have accepted you as imperfect too.

I have accepted you as human, learning as I am, with me, from me and teaching me along the way.

I will not shun from my responsibilities.

I will be there when you need me to be.

I will be there when no one else will hold your hand and walk with you.

I will be there when it gets dark and the nightmares start.

But understand that I am not perfect and you won't be disappointed.

Understand that like you, I have a dark side, an ugly side, a side I don't want to share with everyone.

Understand that like you, there have been failures in my life that have taught me lessons.

Understand that like you, sometimes, I regret things I have done.

Do not judge me because I am not perfect.

I love you because you are not perfect.

Love me because I am not perfect.

And if at any point, you think we have learnt from each other all that we could, do not be afraid to walk on ahead.

I won't expect you to walk with me forever.

I might scream in anger or pain, but that does not mean that once the shock of the pain has passed, I won't understand you.

I might reach for you in pain and loneliness, be there for me though you are not.

But only walk with me because you truly want to.

Not because you told me once you would.

Be true and honest to me, yes, but beyond that, be true to yourself.

Only then can I trust you.

Only then can I trust that you will truly love me.

I will never walk with you because of pity, or because I am afraid to appear like a betrayer if I left you.

I won't disrespect your love, and your friendship like that.

If I am with you, it is because I mean it and I want to.

If a time should come when I need to move forward, cos my heart tells me so, don't stop me.

I will never abandon you, I will never stop loving you, but I will have to go.

We are the birds we want to be. Let's not cage each other.

It will hurt to be alone after having someone to walk with, but its a walk we will have to take.

Reintroduce to us the person we have become because of the journey together, but hopefully, we never lost ourselves in each other.

We will drag our feet, trying to complete this journey called life, but the journey might end before you know it; put the bounce back in your step and don't waste too much of the journey looking behind.

Sit if you have to, but remember to get up.

Cry if you have to, but remember to wipe the tears.

Feel sorry for the loss, but remember the joy too.

Don't let the joy of once-upon-a-time hurt, or bring you pain.

What joy is that?

That said, let's not be selfish.

If the children need us, place them before us.

It's where they belong.

Know that they are the bigger than us.

They are a reflection of us.

Never ever stain or strain their lives.

They may never give us anything, but we owe them a good life.

It is our responsibility.

A part of my body, a part of your body, a part of my soul and a part of your heart.

And sacrifice for them if you have to.

You will find your true joy through them; as we fill their empty minds with the pearls of wisdom we have in the ocean within us.

As we fill their hearts with the love you and I have learnt about and hopefully experienced.

As they fill our homes and hearts with their laughter, with their innocence.

They will bring us back to our childhood.

When they look up to us with their big innocent eyes, waiting for an answer, you will realize that you are not the same anymore; you are part of something bigger.

When they hold their first bat, running to you to show them how to hit, you know you are part of something bigger.

Something bigger, entailed in that small body, which came from you, which came from me.

And as they grow older, and go through the same pain you and I have once gone through, and they look at you, with doubt and annoyance, you know you are part of something bigger, because you need to be careful how you guide these learning minds.

Remember, you've been there.

And when you see them start their own life, they look at you, eye to eye, man to man, woman to woman, I hope you do not wonder, "Where did the innocence go?"

I hope you see in those extensions of your eyes, strength, love, hope and freedom.

And when they turn their back to us and fly away as their hearts have told them to, and as I turn to your eyes, I hope I see a similar home, a similar or maybe different love.

Nothing will ever unbind us. A part of me and a part of you, joint, is now part of this universe and will continue to be.

So even if I fly away, or you fly away, a part of us will always be together forever.

And I am very happy that this life will pass, me being true to me, and you being true to you, separate and yet together, a part of something bigger.

-Megha D.