Goodbye...

Something in me broke loose in 2005.

Something in me made me realize that I need to lose myself..

12 months ago, I made a pact that I was going to live very differently. I had decided that I was going to take new risks that I normally would not take, do things that I normally would not do.

I was going to live life with a twist, for whatever that meant to me.

And 12 months later, looking back, I know I have.

There were many times in 2006 when I did not recognize myself.

Many times, I threw caution to the wind, and did what felt different and un-characteristic of me.


Just for kicks.

In that process, I landed up in a different place, with a life filled with different experiences and different types of people I never met before...

Was 2006 a great year?

I am not too sure.

As I look back, I realize I exposed myself to new emotions I did not know how to deal with, and I might have come across as an un-composed, un-suave and un-glued goof ball.

The tremendous joys I have experienced in 2006 and the losses I experienced in 2006 were very new things to me, but these were experiences I chose to have....brought on by intent.

The best part of 2006 was 'coming home'; finding myself.

To find the me that took off on an adventure and to understand why I choose to be me.

To see people who know me like the back of their hands, people who know what I am thinking before I think it and people who love me unconditionally despite all my thoughts.

Have you ever looked at anyone and suddenly felt an angel touch your soul?
Felt your heart expand with love?
Hugged someone and forgotten all the pain you thought you could never forget?

I think, if you have never given someone a chance to come that close, share the darkest side of your inner being, bare your deepest fears and yet be able to look the person in the eye, you've not experienced the joy that God has made us capable to feeling.

I know these sound like fancy, romantic words, (and as much as I keep saying in my moments of praticality that romance is overrated, deep down inside, I know I am a romantic) to express a good feeling, but I realized that I am blessed.

When I am sitting down quietly by the ocean, looking out into the sea and I turn to my side and see the faces next to me, I know that in this vast universe, somewhere, I can just be.

And I have found that place.


This is not an entry about how thankful I am for the people in my life, people who have come into my life and chose to stay despite everything.

It is an entry to close the chapter on 2006 and to look towards 2007.

It was definitely a different year.

A year that I will look back at and think was the year I truly found myself by completely losing myself.

With the year at an end, I know I have come to the end of another adventure and 2007 will be a very different year.

Different aspirations, different dreams.

A year I will live life true to myself. A happy new year.

I hope you find your happy new year in 2007 too and live it true to who you are deep inside when no one else is watching; when you are not trying to prove yourself to the world; when you are not trying to appear strong and composed.

I hope that you too are able to forgive everyone who has hurt you in 2006.

That with the year end, you say a prayer for that person; because you have found the strength to do so; because you know that a new dawn is on its way, and with dawn comes a new chance at a new beginning.

I hope that you find, in one form or another, the friendships and loves that you thought you lost.

That with the year end, you get over the pain and learn to trust again; because your canvas is bare again; because you know you can be Picasso in your own world.

I hope you find, in a life that is always changing, a constant that will pillar you when 2007 throws a curve ball at you.

That with year end, you decide to take the risk and trust something, or someone as a constant, knowing fully well, that nothing is ever constant and nothing is forever; but you have state of mind to know that despite that, you need a constant, for your sanity; that us humans are social creatures and we can never make it alone; that to experience life to its fullest, you need someone around you, someone who is willing to be with you...despite your flaws..

I hope you find the strength of love, to share and to be kind to others. And I hope you find the strength to deal with the adversities that, touch wood, might be thrown your way in 2007.

But most of all, I hope that you are true to the person you are with when you are completely alone and quiet.

Happy New Year.